Ump on a Blog

The Honorable Representative from Minnesota Michele Bachmann, now known for her almost monthly declarations of stupidity and Stalinism, has declared that she is refusing to fill out her form for the upcoming 2010 U.S. Census. She is protesting some fool-idiot thing so far-fetched and ridiculous that I won’t spend the time explaining it. It’s pretty much to the point now that if Michele Bachmann is supporting it, you don’t even want an explanation: just oppose it.

At any rate, this is the one exception to that rule. I am encouraging every right-minded conservative to follow her lead. FOX News disciples, you should be right on top of this. One could say it’s your duty as a patriotic American to abstain from the Census entirely. After all, it’s your God-given right to refuse to bow to this tyranny, so protest your oppression by tearing up that form the minute you get it.

I hope the conservatives of this country follow through on this and join Michele Bachmann in her Census protest. I honestly do. Many of you, knowing me to be the dyed-in-the-sack-cloth Progressive that I am, will wonder why.

Well, it goes like this. The Census results are used to determine how many Representatives a state gets in the House. If a significant number of conservatives refuse to fill out their Census form, then conservative-leaning states will show up as having fewer people than they actually do. Those states will lose representation in the House in favor of fully-counted Progressive-leaning states, and the Democratic majority will increase.

So you see, in her rush to find the nearest microphone and say something she thinks will whip up the GOP’s base, Representative Bachmann has actually managed to come up with a really great idea… for the Democrats. And the funny thing is, the number of idiots that will follow her like the lobotomized sheep that they are will number in the tens of thousands, oblivious to the fact that they are playing the lead role in the most hilarious irony of our time.

I’m going to have a ball filling out my Census form, laughing my ass off just thinking about all of the moronic mouth-breathers indignantly tearing that form up the day they find it in the bullet-dented mailbox.

Thank you, Michele, I’m going to be sending you a muffin basket.